The result of an awkward love triangle among a particle accelerator, an artificial intelligence and a dropped-and-forgotten petri dish, Clay made his escape from the secret French laboratory of his birth into the surrounding countryside just after his third birthday. After molting several times (and publishing a wildly successful and controversial underground 'zine about aphid anarchy, glass zippers and antediluvian surgical implements), Clay infiltrated American society undetected. In his dreams, he is a manticore made of manganese; in the waking world, he manages Third Coast's operations. Chances are, if it moves through the shop, whether real or virtual, Clay had his hands on it in some way.

Luke entered the world in a log cabin beset by blazing meteors, a portent of greatness to come. Instead of pursuing humanitarianism or world domination, he turned his interest to long-dead peoples and stuff that ceased mattering well over a thousand years ago. Which is to say, he became an archaeologist. After realizing that the job market was saturated with social science majors, however, Luke faced the inevitable and went into the corporate world, washing buckets at first and slowly working his way into a position of stratospheric coffee wealth. He currently spins the web of deception that is our online verbiage.

A man with a penchant for creepy facial hair and a nose for well-roasted coffee, Tom comes from a long line of European cutthroats with a flair for the theatrical. He often regales us with tales of one great-uncle or another who managed to combine long Shakespearean soliloquies with well-aimed weaponized halitosis to commit untraceable assassinations for swollen sacks of golden coin. He may not share their mercenary bent, but he keeps their famed history of intrigue alive every day. His roasting acumen grows like the plants he co-tends with Joe in our alleyway garden, and his presence here is welcomed and appreciated.

In 1658, an Iberian street urchin named Jose Lozano broke into an alchemist’s workshop, hoping to find some gold. Instead, he found the alchemist, a mad old wizard with a fondness for radical ideas. Rather than punishing the young burglar, the alchemist took him on as an apprentice, and taught him all he knew. Centuries later and a continent away, the alchemically immortal Jose found himself in Austin, Texas. With the demand for trans-sublimated gold at an all-time low, Jose began looking for other pursuits to fill his time. He stumbled upon coffee by accident, but quickly discovered that these magical beans were the perfect channel for his abilities. The master had found his true calling.